Anger, bitterness and Unforgiveness can lead to health problems
Forgiveness is an act of the will We may not feel like forgiving, but Forgiveness is an act of the will, not of the emotions. It is a decision. We decide to obey Jesus and forgive and our emotions get cleaned up afterwards. We will never feel like forgiving beforehand.
Torment : So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”You are the one tormented by unforgiveness, not the person who did the wrong.
If you do not forgive the things done to you, you will keep reliving the pain every time you are reminded of it or will react with fear and anxiety if you are ever in a similar situation, even if there is no real threat.
Forgiveness is for your sake, not theirs.
There is a difference between forgiving people and forgiving their sins (what they have done to you or to someone else)
Dealing with Abuse: Excusing vs forgiving. Eph 4:26-27
- Recognize the offense as a sin against you
2. Anger is necessary and appropriate response to violation. Forgiveness should end in reconciliation, not just avoiding Agape Love is learning to love others with their faults.
Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation.
The Danger of Carrying the offense.
Sometimes the hardest things to forgive are not things done to you, but done to someone else that you care about
How to forgive:
- Forgiveness not declaring what someone did is right. It is declaring it wrong.
- You must identify what was done to you or others as a sin and wrong in order to forgive it. I.e., you must face it. You can’t bury it or excuse the behavior. This is especially hard for those who have suffered sexual abuse, feeling that it must be something in their behavior that allowed it.
- In order to forgive, you first have to get mad at what was done to you. “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26, 27. If you bury it or let it stew, and do not face it, the issue will plague your conscious and subconscious mind and come out in anger or depression. But if you get mad and let it out, you can get over it.
- Forgiveness is not an act of your emotions, but an act of your will. You will never feel like forgiving. You forgive because God told you to and he will clean up your emotions afterwards. You will get release and relief.
- You forgive not only the person but the sin committed against you or others as well. That is part of identifying the sin.
Sample prayer:
Lord, as an act of my will and obedience I forgive _________ for what he/she has done to me and I forgive the thing that he/she did ________. I release you and let you go, and put you into the Father’s hands in Jesus’ Name.